Oh my God. This website is extreme to the DADth-degree.
I spied these bad boys on a shelf at Meijer many moons ago, my friends and I were browsing a local Target one day, and Dave and I decided to speak our other known languages, Polish and German, respectively. While in the process of using a display vacuum to on Tom, a group of girls who had overheard and approached us asked “are you guys not from here?” I smiled real big and nodded. Cody, who was effectively giving a foreign vibe by using simple grunts and one syllable expressions took a picture of us with these girls, and then we left. We returned later that night, dressed in Salvation Army clothing to give the appearance of foreigners, and I spied the beautiful product that is Bald Guyz Head Wipes.
Here’s some awesome stuff from their website:
To the right, I see one of the best collage-of-interests-ads I have ever seen in my life. I mean, this is so amazing i’m tempted to have it tattooed on my right butt cheek (the left is reserved for a tattoo of legendary infomercial salesman/zombie Ron Popeil, with laurel leaves on either side of him and a ribbon beneath reading “Ol’ Ronnie”) or perhaps even petter, shave my head bald and tattoo it on my bald head.
I can’t tell you how tempted I am to join the “Bald Guyz Club”, I mean, it’s got EVERYTHING I could ever dream of, a bald guy with a membership card, a green acoustic guitar, a guy snowboarding, some kind of red cocktail, a steak with noodles on it, a football helmet, TWO TICKETS TO AN EVENT, A CORDLESS PHONE, A JUMBO JET, A CELL PHONE!!! HOLY CRAP WHERE DO I APPLY?
Then we get the “Bald Guy Of The Week”, who is featured in the “Bald Guyz Gallery.” This gallery is basically my one-stop-shop for EVERYTHING I could ever dream of on the internetz. Look at all these bald guyz, they’re living the dream, probably snowboarding while using their cell phone to call their cordless phone at home to leave a message reminder to get plane tickets and tickets to the football game with the Jimmy Buffet halftime show and 1/2 off margaritas and to remind themselves that steak is good.
My plan now is to submit my own picture to be the “Bald Guy of the week”, and when they deny me due to my full head of hair, threaten to sue because of unequal opportunity, unless they agree to feature me as the world-renowned “Bald Guy of the week.”
